We had a bold thought recently - why do appraisals happen only for employees? Why are we ground down by our overlords, and told about every way in which we fall short of the ideal standard? We have a Royal Challenge for you - can you imagine what a Boss’ appraisal sheet might look like? P.S : This is highly inspired by the great work of some of our country's renowned stand-up comedians and people who have dedicated their souls to making Indian comedy better than ever.
Well, we have some thoughts:
Performance Summary: Boastful Overloud Selfish Snob
1. Successfully perforated eardrums of 100% employees in the office, one full percentage point increase from the previous year
2. Spearheaded a unique system of introducing the lips of more than 90% employees to nether regions, in hope of promotion
Points of Improvement
1. Voice volume: Should be changed from 'talking to someone 1000 miles away' to 'talking to a human being'
2. Internal dictionary: Should be changed to include commonly used terms like 'vacation' and 'raise'
3. Role models: Should be changed from Hitler and Mussolini to Gandhi and MLK
1. Increased patriotism in the office by 100% by creating factions, and making the political scene resemble that in the Lok Sabha
2. Successfully locked up the perks received leaving a huge blank of nothingness for the others to munch on.
3. Unanimously given the title of Confusius by team.
1. Ensuring a line of strong successors who follow the unofficial credo - “Promises are meant to be broken”
2. Preparing the company for a zombie apocalypse by expressing ideas in the most efficient manner
Performance Linked Bonus
1. 35 tons of blood, sweat and tears of employees, a 60% y-o-y increase
If you liked what you just read, why don’t you go ahead and ask your boss for a 360 degree appraisal today? Seize the moment!
Image Credit: reveln.com
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